fifi’s graffiti

The tallest sunflower we’ve ever had in our garden: it grew from seeds dropped by the birds at the feeder. It’s taller than the six-foot high wooden fence in the background. You can also see where our thoughtless neighbors poisoned the lovely honeysuckle along the back fence, forcing us to look at their yard full of scavenged lumber and other trash. They don’t live in the house, but are “fixing” it so they can rent it out. It seems to look worse every time they work on it. I’m conflicted about whether or not I should call the city’s inspection department. But that’s another story.

I watched Into the Wild over the weekend. It’s the story of a bright college graduate who walked away from his life to become a “leather tramper”, a hitchhiker roaming around the United States whose only goal was to get to the wilds of Alaska. He was gone for more than two years before his family found out what happened to him. The movie was particularly disturbing to me because my 16-year-old niece left home over two months ago and no one’s heard from her. We don’t know why she broke away from her life or why she didn’t want anyone to look for her. What is she doing? What kind of identity has she made for herself?

If anyone in the family should understand, I feel it should be me. About a year after I graduated from high school I joined a Jesus Cult. I got a new life, a new name, and planned to break all ties with my family. I ended up not making a complete break, though. My parents knew where I was (sort of) and we exchanged letters and an occasional phone call. I’ve never been able to completely come to terms with the havoc that journey wreaked on my life, which may be why I worry so about my niece and puzzle frenetically over “Chris”, the character in the movie. It’s not to say I didn’t have good times during my sojourn, and of course I would not be the person I am had I not taken that path, but I still ponder the dark side of the trip, and wonder why I did it, and I wonder how smart people can do such stupid things. When I try to analyze what happened or try to put it into writing it usually takes me to a very dark place. I think if only I could finally get it all out and onto paper I could exorcise those demons that still haunt me. The trouble with that is that so much time has passed, and so much effort put into blocking things out, that the events of that trip are a hazy dream I can’t quite grasp. I’ve ordered a copy of Jon Krakauer’s book to see what he has to say about Chris’s journey. I’ve found Krakauer to be a compelling storyteller in the past, so I’m hoping for more of the same.